Boy/Girl: To Be or Not to Be

Can guys and girls be best friends?

Can guys and girls be friends? Yes.
But 1. they can never be close friends aka best friend status, like the man groups and the gal pals that we keep within our circles; 2. whoever you have now as close opposite sex friends, will be, will be lost in the end.

We know that it is possible to be any where on the graph with an opposite sex friend, but the hazy and scary part comes after someone takes the turn.  Obviously, not all relationships go to the end of this graph nor do they have to, but the graph and the previous post are just typical growth patterns of friendships.  This post corresponds to points 8 and beyond. Where will you go? Take the decline into friendship-death or continue to professed love?

Boy/Girl Friendship Graph

Guy/girl relationships are difficult because no one intends to become good friends.  We do not really know who our good friends will be even from the same gender.  Most of the time, it just happens that way.  It is just more shocking or different if it is a person of the opposite sex.  We find each other in classes or at work, find out that we have more in common than just plants, books, or travel.  We could actually be friends beyond the system that put us there in the first place. I do not always believe there has to be motive or the initial attraction because after time, some people just get so much cooler once you get to know them better.  But there comes a point when you find that their coolness is date-able and yes, kissable, and to that point, what do we do?

Plus, if you intended to become good friends, really?

When you spend so much time with the opposite sex, you cannot help to think, hey, do I like this person? You can mumble a person to yourself just to the screen, no one will hear you, but just admit at least. How can you spend so much time with one other person that you call your best guy/girl friend without giving it at least ten minutes. Again, I think I can safely say that for women, we have at least thought about it. We have given you ten minutes (and for some other women, a lot more minutes) to have thought if you could be a potential match. Now, if you like us back, that’s good for you, but if you do not, do not worry, we only gave you ten minutes.  That explanation was somewhat fluffed for the sake of people’s real feelings and the time allotted.  But in the situation where one does like one another, it is scary to think that that person may have liked the other for a while and the other has no idea.

So what do you do then, once you start liking your friend?  Really, I do not know. I say this only because I have never been in a situation where someone has reached outside of the friend-box. I like the friend-box.  I have hypotheticals and I know what will happen in the end if no one does anything   I have had a lot of best guy friends at different times in my life and I have not dated any of them.  Yes, I might have liked a couple, but I did not do anything about it.  You could say I did not have the guts at the time, but I also believed in ‘having a friend forever than not having him at all.’  And, I have never known if one of my guy friends have liked me.  Friends insinuated, but I chose to be blind to those that may have just because that would have changed the whole relationship and I liked being good-best friends.  I do not want that to come out as some egotistical statement, but I am going to stick with innocent is bliss for these situations.  But if my guy friendships have not ended already, they will…

There are three roads that you can take or that will be taken for you:
In the end, you will lose those best friendships that you have with the opposite sex.  It is inevitable.

Oh that fork in the road.

Road 1: Those ties will break because someone will find another person and they will date each other.  And in my courtesy notes, we cannot keep our close friendship anymore.  It is not fair to the girlfriend who should be having your attention and our friendship will slowly peter off.  We may talk a little, but really, it is easier that we just let go.  And not because it hurts, because of what is fair.  I think it mutually happens, but more so that the guy is involved into his new girlfriend, but it is better than you take control of the situation.  I know some girls expect the friendship to be exactly the same, but we have to be realistic and in the end, it is better for everyone.

Road 2: But if you really really like this friend, is it worth telling this person?  If in the end, you will not have this him/her because they are with someone else, why shouldn’t it be you?  You may be left with that “what if” question. What do you have to lose?  If you do not say anything, you can preserve your memories as friends, but what good is it preserving memories when you actually want to be with them?  You can have better memories if you are with him.  Since I have never done it, I surely have no idea what scary feelings would be rounding my stomach, but you are not asking to get married, you are asking for a date.  Just one, actually, a couple would be nice.

And I have to take back the “what do you have to lose” statement because you could lose peripheral friends, especially if they are connected within your friend group.

Road 3: No one likes this option, but weed your way off of the friendship.  It is super hard to do because sometimes, girls set these traps for themselves.  We do not want to, we do not like to, but the coolness becomes addictive and attractive.  There has to be more.  If I think you are pretty amazing now, I am pretty sure you can only get more awesome.  You come to me and talk to me about stuff and I love hearing about your stuff.  It is as if we set ourselves up for destruction.  Sometimes we know we could end up liking them.  So why do we keep hanging out this person?  Wean your way off and realize its best.  Most of the time, this becomes a type of rejection: discovering that the other may not have other feelings, so we try to move on, but it always takes longer and is always harder than we want it to be.  Find someone who will find you.

And yes, despite all these fatalities, I would never take back any friendship I have had with a boy regardless of its unbeknown expiration.

——-

My perspective on this subject comes from the Asian and the Christian college angles.  I feel like I need to define where these explanations are coming from because the other worlds may disagree.  I know what the other world is like as well, but this is just one aspect that I feel like I know well enough to make a semi-accurate commentary.