Resting in Rejection

Rejection. We all know how it works.

This commentary spurs from a theory that girls get hurt more than boys when it comes to being rejected from the opposite sex. I did do some man-research and yes, I was told that this was false. Boys can and do get hurt just as much as girls do and I do believe that.

But here’s the thing. I am still sticking to that theory.

The one thing that girls cannot do is do what boys do. Despite these modern times, girls will continue to do nothing and live the traditional pursuit of man chasing woman. And to give our men-friends some credit, boys do a lot for girls:
1. boys ask the girl out (which in itself can be scary and I know boys take a long time to think and mull over the planning, at least these Asian and Christian ones),
2. They plan and pay for the dinners and the dates
3. They are usually the ones who have to follow up and help push the relationship.
Girls are capable do these things, but we do not have to do much. Our role in all this is to make ourselves marketable, and really, it is hard because the boys we want to date do not want to date us. And again, I am sure that boys go through the same thing, but boys get to do something about it.  And because of that, the theory can remain true

The very action of asking a girl out or telling them how you feel is one great step and which makes all the difference of why our rejection hurts more. I know there is risk in that and even possible rejection, but not being able to do anything, to want that next step, feels super duper worse. Rejection is something you get to face, you have the choice to get over it if you want to. Girls do not always have that luxury that you take for granted.  As both sexes seek out potential whoevers, it is more than likely that none of them really pair up since boys long for certain girls and girls long for certain boys and neither really get who they want.  Obviously that is all not true since there are those married ones out there and they must have found each other somehow.

I am a reject.

These days I find myself prattling with female friends and this issue seems to be a heart-aching problem. In some situations, when a girl starts liking a boy, more often in these friendship cases and I am not even talking about best friendships, but regular good friendships, we fall and can fall hard, and we will do nothing. We do nothing as protection, as a scapegoat, but inside we wrestle and pine for you.  Our hearts and minds are filled with a thousand questions, replay after replay from conversations to the group interactions, checking current movements with facebook/twitter/myspace.  It is the best anyone can do when we cannot have who we want (and maybe a little creepy, but we have all done it).  The anxiety, anticipation, and over anaylzation all provoke the despair and hope.  We wait, and we wait in the face of rejection because we are not the girl that the boys wants to be with.  We try our best to guard our hearts, to tell ourselves that we can be friends, its better to be friends than nothing at all — as we wait in the shadows of friendships, desiring to become noticed.  This hope holds us to dream that maybe one day we can be that girl.  We hold on tight, probably too tight, but when our hearts are weary and longing for this one boy to be that boy, we will wait.

We will wait a long time.  And not on purpose.  We do try to get release ourselves from our own bonds, but it is hard.  I can only think of three really good ways to get over it, if it is even possible:

1. Girl tells boy. Highly highly unlikely, pretty much never.
2. Girl makes out with another boy and starts liking that boy.
3. If boy knows that girl likes boy, boy should tell the girl that you do not like her.  No one wants to hear this, I would not want to hear this, but it would give me closure.  And I think for most girls, we need closure, we need a yes or no answer whether the person we like likes us back. Kill our hope and we will move on, most of the time.

It can disappear other ways, but that would involve yelling and anger or if your heart can do it, to slowly cut off the friendship.  But who takes that advice?

As I reread this post, I guess these situations could be applicable for either sex, but you have to give me credit that girls do not really have as much control as boys do in this situation.  PS. This was kind of difficult to write, so I will not be surprised to see if you jab about some inconsistencies and counterarguments.

Of course I have been rejected and/or have felt the feelings describe here, but as my current men-friends read this, I promise you I am not sending any of you secret signals or hints that I am in this case with any of you. I probably would not have said anything if I did so that I would hope that you would read this and hope that you would like me.  Let no one get ahead of themselves.