OUT dating SIDE

From time to time, friends ask if I have a preference of who I date in regards of their ethnicity. Do I like just Asian men, or do I like White/Black/Latino men?

I have dated and have liked boys of different ethnicities, but have found that it is easier to date someone Asian. He doesn’t have to be Chinese, but under the politically correct bubble of Asian/Pacific Islander group: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian, Filipino, Vietnamese… it can be remarkably easier.  It is for the same reasons why you see a lot of Asian people hanging out with just Asian people or why you see Blacks hanging out with just other Blacks. It’s a background thing.

The way we were brought up and the traditions and cultures that we celebrate make us who we are and makes it easier to bond with others that share those same experiences. There are certain cultural obligations and understandings that justify our actions and beliefs.  To have a partner that understands what you do and why you do it is a comforting security.  I know I could not list or identify certain things I do that make me Chinese, but how does one recognize all stereotypes of their race and ethnicity if we are the ones who live them out? I am not negating that I am American, but I just do not want my Chinese side to be left out.

Ask your Chinese friends...maybe Japanese too...(taken in 2004 with R.S.Olson)

I know that friends want to understand and appreciate my background, but it is different to have to explain and show someone my culture than to actually be in it.  Someone of a different ethnicity may try to understand certain notions and even accept them, but sometimes I do not know if it is enough.  And maybe that is saying that I am not giving a chance to potential partners or friends by letting them in, but I have seen some Caucasian (typically) family members and friends sometimes feel left out or uncomfortable at an event or gathering full of Asians.  Are we that intimidating?  Maybe each situation is circumstantial, but I do not want my significant other to feel different or uncomfortable by the foods we eat, the celebrations, or my friends and family.  And maybe whoever he is, won’t feel uncomfortable and love everything that is me, that is Chinese, but maybe not a “yellow fever” man? 

It may seem like I have just closed the books to all races other than my own, but I am very open to dating anyone of any background.  This is just one variable or if I must say it, dealmaker that would make someone more attractive to me.  Someone’s ethnicity or race will not stop me from liking someone or dating them either because there are a lot of other great things about a person than just the color of their skin.  We both know that.  The concept of interracial dating has always been something I have questioned in regards of it being ok.  I know it is ok, but growing up I was not always told that I could date, let alone marry someone not Asian.  Being who I am and who I represent is important to me, but I know I can make choices and love who I want to love.

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I love race relations.  I studied Anthropology in college for the sole purpose of learning about race relations in my life and around the world.  I have to be open about who I am and where I came from, but a lot of it has been challenging because my life is very compartmentalized between my Asian friends and my White friends.  I love neither more nor less, but they are distinctly different.  I could write a pamphlet about my life as an Asian American and maybe one day I should. I am sorry if I come across hostile or defensive.  It is because I defending what I believe and what I have lived and those who disagree may not have viable experience to say what I say is untrue.