How to Not Like a Boy

I have either been pretty good at not liking people or
I am just good at not telling anyone that I like anyone….

No one ever asks, how do you like someone?  Liking someone is easy and pretty fun.  The harder question is, how do you NOT like someone?  It happens every day when someone likes someone when they know they do not want to, or they know they should not, or they know that their feelings are probably not reciprocated.  It is that love/hate relationship of when you do not want to like someone, but no matter what, you just cannot seem to help it. 

So to prevent this, one needs to have standards from the beginning.  I find this most helpful because I basically set myself up for no expectations.  I understand that that sounds pretty negative, but at the end of the day, my brain is not mulling through twenty thousand questions trying to figure out what everything means.  So when I look at a new friend or an old friend I look at them just as a friend.  I know you probably do the same, but I stick to my guns to believe it all the way.  I try my bestest to not waver because by expecting only friendship, I have created a necessary barrier between me and that guy friend and we can go on having a mutual friendship without feelings getting in the way. 

On another side, maybe it is a defensive wall, to save myself from rejection and hurt.   By telling myself that he doesn’t like me, even if I do like him, it is easier to move on and find someone that may really like me for me.  It is better to live in a type of denial than to really let all of myself go into a person that may not like me back.  I asked a friend for her input since we tend to think along the same line in regards to this issue, and she had really good things to say.  “… I try really hard to be logical, reasonable, not make assumptions or jump to grand conclusions when there’s really no basis for it. I try not to fall for a guy who doesn’t make me feel like he has some interest in me.  And even if he does treat me special, I try not to let it get to me too much.  Sure, I daydream a little, but I try not to let it get to far.” 

Flirtation is the one of the biggest factors in all of this.  And maybe we are at a point in our lives where flirtation is no longer innocent.  Maybe there is no such thing.

Most of this begins at flirting and then what we assume to be intentionality.  I think what gets girls the most is the time spent between “just us.”  But there is the easy trap: girls do not see outside the “just us” time.  They think and maybe convince themselves that it is all about them.  Those text messages and phone calls, those one-on-one hang outs, those deep sharing moments…traps I say, traps!  But we like them.  We like them a whole lot.  Thank you for wanting to spend time with us and making us feel special, but we started to like you because we think we know that you are not doing these things with anyone else other than me.   Some girls think that the guys’ attention is all on them, but what do you know about the rest of his time?  He can be texting three other people along side your text messages.  He can be hanging out with other people other than you.  What do you really know?  You know what you want to believe.  And sadly, girlfriends are no help.  Friends confirm what you want to hear.  Who is going to play the bad guy and tell you that your chances may be slim or that he really likes someone else?  Most of the time, we do not know what is going on, but we live through our own worst enemies, our hope and our fantasies. 

I like to think that guys are pretty forward when they like a girl.  From what I have seen when my guys friends pursue a girl or even from what they tell me, You will know when I like like a girl. So if you know know, you should be in the clear.  Apart of the make-out sessions or whatever other blatant clues confirming your reciprocated flirtation, then I think you’re in.  Of course, that does not always happen, but another good (and sometimes harsh) rule of thumb: if he isn’t pursuing you, it may not be you.  But really, if he is not pursuing you, why should you pursue him?  (I know some guys do not like that it has to be boy pursuing girl, or even that if it is just that, they just do not like it being said out loud because it makes it seem like the girls just wait around.  Please, whatever I say here will probably be bypassed and girls will still like boys that may not like them and girls will keep on trying.)

We all handle who we like in our own way, but I know there are times when we try our best to get over certain guys.   I guess this is how I prevent most of that.  I am sorry that I cannot make this into a more positive enlightening post, but I guess it is more of a blunt platter of what is really going on.  Realism comes a little more easily to me, so I like my method.   This theory has a lot of repercussions as well, and I may be victim to some of the criticisms I have received or have even lost potential friends that I could have dated, but I am not hopeless of liking someone or of love.  Like when people say when they get married, I can say the same when I like a person, When you know, you know.